i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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