i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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