at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
