my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
