Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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