I'm really into asian looking animals
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
