i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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