official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
