i jhust puked up my retainher.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
