I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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