Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
This is my gift to your gina
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
