I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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