my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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