You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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