I think I am morally bankrupt
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
