I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
