Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
