my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
