He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
