I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
