You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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