I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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