ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
We need to rekindle our bromance
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
