I'm going to jail i love you
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
