Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
