He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
