I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
