I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
