So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
