does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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