We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
as a side note pls kill me
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
