o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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