We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
