dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
