somebody snuck up and got me drunk
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
