there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
