Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
