it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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