i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
i think im in europe. pls send help
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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