I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
