Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
