there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
