yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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