My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
operation have a gay friend backfired
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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