I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
