As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
