every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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