why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
