i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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