Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
