my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
