She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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