you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
