Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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