Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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