I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
