the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
