I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
This is classic penis vs brain.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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