I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
