the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
