I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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